“Opposites
attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned.
But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is
full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a
clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe.
According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is
all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of
insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some
experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same
species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off
enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub
pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some
scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and
mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that
their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in
producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has
capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to
the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down
for these chemicals.
Lately,
scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in
mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology,
chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do
not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man
and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers
from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these
scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the
cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out
that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different,
but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of
insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics
for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a
male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat,
perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes,
but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a
research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal
attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the
person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of
attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a
certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the
actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close
interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that
attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that
kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly
heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was
this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You
have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a
relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone
cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a
person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more,
attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions
become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More
than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your
health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is
still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with
the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to
yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself?
Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs,
values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling
another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and
beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy
in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As
mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security
matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for
yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your
attractiveness as a person.
